Monday, December 6, 2010

This may be a touch subject But yeah I’m going there

This may seem like its coming out of left field and that's ok.Its just been on my mind a lot lately. Its a going to be a pretty personal post so feel free to skip reading it if you like.

I love that Heavenly Father answers our prayers. I love that I can pray through my feelings and get to a place that I can happily follow my husband and the Lords will.

Does anyone else ever feel like what is best for others is best for them? How about feeling like having more kids makes you better or more righteous than the family that chose to only have 2?Well I have been there and had those feelings before.Hey, we are all sinful and prideful at times.

You see we have four children.Two boys and two girls.They are really awesome and for the most part(you know there are those off days) I love being their mom. My hubby and I will never have anymore kids.By our own choosing.I will be honest and tell you I have felt the need around some other Christians to justify this very personal decision.

I totally know that children are a wonderful blessing from God. I wanted more children after we had our fourth little girl.As always my husband and I put the matter to prayer.We have always felt like God would help us decide if and when to have another child.I’ll be darned if my husband wasn't adamant that we were done having children.

I patiently(at first) prayed that God would inform my husband that we were to have more children.Then I prayed a bit more “fervently” that my husband would have a change of heart. I was sure that God would change my husbands will to mine. I say “mine” because I realize  now that I wasn't really consulting God in this.God wants everyone to have at least  eight kids right?!That's how I felt anyhow!

I continued to pray this way clear up to the week before my husbands scheduled surgery(if the fact that my hubby had a vasectomy is TMI then you probably should stop reading) but one day it all changed. I sat down at the computer to look at a friends blog.She had posted about her littlest child turning 1 and wondering about the next to come.  I lost it! I mean LOST it! Sobbing and crying I ran right for my Bible and sat on the couch. I started to pray.Crying out to Heavenly Father over my desires to have more children and my fear that my husband would not see things my way and FINALLY asking God whether it was HIS will for us to have more.Up to that point I was SURE that it was. I gradually began to just feel a calm warmth flow through me and I was able to stop crying.I wiped my eyes and started to read.

Every scripture I read,every single one I turned to spoke of training,teaching and raising our children. It was like Heavenly Father was telling me not to worry about having more children but to focus on raising the ones He had blessed me with. Has anyone else ever had one of those moment where you realize that you know nothing and that God is the author of our lives?

Since then my sister has had a sweet new baby,a dear friend has been blessed with a twin pregnancy,my sister in law has found out she is having her first baby and my littlest has turned 1. Through it all I have had a twinge or two of jealousy. But mostly I have felt peace and happiness because I know that through prayer God was able to tell us what was right for us.It feels good to be following Gods path for us.

I hope to remember what I learned from this experience always.That if we pray and sincerely ask for Gods will to come about in our heart He will guide us AND give us joy in the path He sets us on.


Tristan said...


Yes, it has sometimes suprised, shocked, and even (dare I admit it?) upset me when God's plan and mine were opposites. You're right though, praying to know what He wants and then listening and acting on that brings peace, nothing else will. I love you sis!

Anonymous said...

I can understand your feelings. I have 3 wonderful children and that is all I can have. I had 3 C-sections. None of them were routine. The first two emergencies, the last was scheduled upon fear of uterine rupture. I was on death's door with them. Because of the health risks (very real ones) I can not have anymore children. I've experienced that sadness and jealousy more than once. I'm happy when people let me hold their sweet babies. Enjoy those sweet babies you have. And trust in the Lord. ((Hugs))

Anonymous said...

I am glad to know that you have received the peace needed when the answer you want isn't the one that comes. I love you.